It is 6 a.m today.
I grab my phone and rush straight to my inbox, no time to waste.
My pulse quickens and I can feel my anticipation, as I search for your name.
Surely, you left a message....
It is the gentleman's way.
After ignoring you like I did the whole of yesterday, you do know by now that I am mad at you.
You get the vibe?
You feel my jealousy now?
You understand what it feels like now?
To be ignored?
Or you still don't?
I sigh heavily ; the bed covers rise gently.
He is always like this, I think to myself...
He hurts me real bad, but I end up apologizing instead
Is this how it is supposed to feel?
Me feeling mad, angry and betrayed...
And yes, obviously, he read the message, I think to myself but chooses to ignore it?
Like payback for ignoring him yesterday?
Even though he started it?
What to do?
Whoa! It's green!
He is online!
I can see my glee
It's pathetic! Duh! Who cares?
But wait... He is still not saying anything? Like seriously? Daebaek!!!
I guess we are really doing this...
Hey! Haven't you seen my messages?
Seen. No response.
You are really not going to say anything?
Seen. No response.
I get mad, I can see the smoke coming out from my ears but I don't like smoke, I prefer steam like the one I see gushing out of mami's big pot of moimoi.
From my ears.
My pulse quickens but this ain't no anticipation, this is my rage building up at the injustice.
Why! You rat!
You are really punishing me for punishing you for ignoring me the whole of the day before?
You ignore me and then you serve up photos of how your day went with those strange people? I see three guys and three ladies! Care to explain?
I look at my window, the sun is going down, soon it will be dark,
Like my heart right now,
Like my fears,
Like my pain.
Perhaps I misunderstood? That must be it!
Perhaps I should have asked nicely first instead of concluding? This must be it!
I have misunderstood. I should have more faith in my beloved right?
So, I am sorry, I was wrong, forgive me and say something. Please???
Seen. No response.
I hear the lonely cry from a far off birdie and then it strikes 12 from the watchman's clock.
My phone beeps and I grab it without thinking. The most beautiful name ever is on my front screen. Yes! He has finally responded.
How are you?
To myself. What? By 12 am?
Yes I have.
Okay... That's all. No apologies. No conversation. Just me feeling grateful we were now talking... Once again, The cycle has been repeated. It is better than going back to living with the loneliness of my heart.
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